You Didn’t Know It Was Different
One of the hardest things to explain about growing up in an unhealthy home is that it doesn’t feel unhealthy while you’re living in it.
How could it not?
It may be the only home you’ve ever known.
The only home you’ve ever had to learn to survive in.
From the outside, nobody would have guessed.
They saw the birthday parties.
The family vacations.
The splashes of a magical, happy family on social media.
They didn’t see the drive home.
So when you looked at other families, nothing seemed different.
How could it?
You didn’t know what happened after everyone else went home either.
So you simply grew up believing… this is what families are like.
Sometimes it feels like harmless teasing…
Sometimes it feels like sarcasm…
Maybe everybody yells.
Maybe something incredibly chaotic happened yesterday…
and today everybody acts like it never happened.
It almost feels like forgiveness.
Until you realize nobody ever acknowledged the hurt.
As a child, you don’t stop and question those things.
It’s just how your family is.
One gets really quiet.
One is always making everybody laugh.
One always seems to smooth things over.
Nobody questions it.
Day after day…
that’s just who everyone becomes.
Then everyone goes to bed.
— Tawnia Lives
This reflection is part of an ongoing series, expanding on the featured piece as each chapter helps put words to experiences that once had none.
