You bring up something that’s been hurting you.

Instead of working through it together, something exciting happens.

A promise.

A gift.

Plans for the future.

An exciting trip.

Something you’ve been wanting for a very long time.

Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about what hurt anymore.

It’s about what might happen next.

Your attention shifts.

You start feeling hopeful.

You begin believing that maybe they understood.

Maybe this is their way of making things right.

Maybe things really are getting better.

Even though the original issue was never resolved, you begin to feel supported.

And that can feel like love.

Over time, you start to recognize a pattern.

Your emotions never seem to be fully heard or acknowledged.

Instead, the hurt is followed by a promise, a gift, excitement, or some grand gesture that gives you something new to hold on to.

When you begin pulling away, something hopeful appears.

When you’re frustrated, there’s a promise.

When you begin questioning the relationship, there is suddenly a reason to believe again.

You don’t necessarily feel manipulated.

You feel loved.

And that’s what makes it so difficult to recognize.

Your mind starts trying to make sense of both experiences.

Were they just trying to make me feel better?

Maybe they didn’t know how to respond.

Maybe this really is their way of showing they care.

You find yourself rewriting the story in your mind instead of returning to the moment that still needs to be acknowledged.

Because now you’re living between two experiences.

One still hurts.

The other feels really good.

And you quietly begin asking yourself…

What am I giving up to keep holding on to the part that feels good?

— Tawnia Lives