Their Behavior Is Not Your Reflection

by Tawnia Lives

They asked me why I wasn’t more upset.

Why I wasn’t angrier.

Why I didn’t seem more affected by being disrespected, dismissed, or treated poorly.

The truth is, there was a time when I was.

A time when someone else’s behavior could ruin my entire day.

I’d replay the conversation.

Question every word.

Wonder what I should have done differently.

Wonder what was wrong with me.

Because when you’ve spent enough time being blamed for other people’s behavior, you start looking for yourself in every wound they leave behind.

You assume their reaction must mean something about you.

Their criticism must be true.

Their disrespect must be earned.

Their judgment must be deserved.

But healing changed something.

I stopped asking what their behavior said about me.

And started asking what it said about them.

Because not everyone who misunderstands you is revealing a flaw in your character.

Some people are revealing a limitation in their own perspective.

Not everyone who disrespects you is exposing your worth.

Some people are exposing their own lack of respect.

Not everyone who treats you poorly is responding to who you are.

Sometimes they are responding to their anger.

Their fear.

Their insecurity.

Their need to make someone else carry what they refuse to face.

And if you’re not careful, you’ll spend years trying to fix a reflection that was never yours.

That was one of the hardest things I had to learn.

Someone else’s behavior may tell you a great deal about them.

But it tells you very little about your value.

Their inability to see your worth does not reduce it.

Their disrespect does not define it.

And their opinion does not become truth simply because they repeated it often enough.

Their behavior may tell you a great deal about them. It tells you very little about your value.

Their behavior is not your reflection.

— Tawnia Lives